Gay Marriage - HG Mar Nicholovas responds

I got a chance to attend a Parents and Couple's conference in NY last weekend and I asked a question when it was time for asking questions.

I asked: Today in the secular society we have a lot of discussions about gay and straight relationships. What is the Church's understanding about these? How does the Church approach these issues?
Who is a gay? Is this a disease? If so, can it be remedied? Or is it an orientation with which certain people are born? If so, how does the Church preach and teach Christ in such a society where people are of this orientation? What if one of our daughters or sons tomorrow opened out to us that they were gay?..etc"

HG Zachariah Mar Nicholovas

I was not actually expecting any real answer, because I knew the general approach of the people in this regard (of hushing around it, of playing the ostrich, of using some sarcasm to avoid the core issue, etc). All I wanted was to raise the issue, so that there was some kind of awareness going on, because I felt this question might become something for the parents and couples in our
Church to address in the years to come. I was surprised when I really got something to take back as a response. So here I share (I have paraphrased the response, for clarity purposes. What follows below is not the response itself but my understanding of the essence of the response, which I have elaborated adding my own words for illustration and emphasis and am using Thirumeni's name with permission):
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Our Diocesan Metropolitan, most respected and beloved Zachariah Mar Nicholovas was taking the questions. His Grace started with a disclaimer not to consider the response as any 'official stand' of the Church because the church's opinion was only evolving, the issue itself was quite complex and the discussion was something very new to our society.

Thirumeni explained his thoughts by clarifying the difference between 'being a gay' person and 'practising as a gay'. A common school of thought that has evolved so far seems to be that when someone is a gay, he or she is like that by orientation (meaning, he\she is created like that).If at all it can be considered a disease, it must be something like a genetic disorder or so. Being a gay in this manner, is in itself, not a problem. The issue that the Church has to deal with is the issue of a gay practising same-sex relationship and of acknowledging a gay marriage.

Obviously any extra marital relationship is not condoned by the Church. As for the issue of gay marriage itself - for the Church, one of the primary purposes of marriage is 'procreation'. Without any blame or ill feeling towards those couples who are unable to have children of their own after marriage, we have to see this primary purpose behind marriage as 'for procreation'. That is where the
Church has issue with a gay marriage - where procreation is never in the picture.



Procreation - a primary purpose of marriage

In a civil society, there are issues of benefits being denied when the couple is  gay - like the ability to file for joint tax returns etc, which has economic implications. These are the issues the civil courts have to deal with when they decide on matters concerning granting legal status to gay marriages. The Church does not bestow any such benefits to the couple.

So the Church is sympathetic towards the gay individual oriented that way, the Church loves him or her as Her own and is dutibound to work for salvation of such an individual like anyone else's, but the Church has a problem being the central figure in a wedding where procreation is not even a possibility. The Church is still struggling with this question in the light of modern scientific debates and scientific explorations in the subject matter. On the one side there is the traditional understanding and on the other side is the Church's pastoral responsibility  to these children of Hers.

The Church once believed the earth was flat

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I applaud Thirumeni for taking the question and for responding sincerely. I feel the Church needs to take this further, ponder over such issues in prayer and develop this thought process. The knowledgable persons in this issue - in the theological, psychological, medical, sociological fields and in all such related arenas must contribute to help the Church in how she develops Her stand. The reason I feel this is important is - we need to be able to honestly answer our children as a Church, unambiguously and in one voice, whenever they ask. Because if we cannot satisfy them, in this information age, they will seek the answers elsewhere, and they will get many different versions of the answers from outside, and we may not like what they learn from outside. So, when they ask the

Let the Spirit reveal the path

Church, the Church must be there with an answer, not a diplomatic response to evade the question, but a genuine, sincere and honest answer, which the Holy Spirit has revealed to Her. For that to happen, the Church must take up the issue in prayer and contemplation, patiently try to understand the issue, and listen to the Holy Spirit's response, even if that response may not always be to our liking.

Sincerely
Mathew Samuel,
Albany, NY

 (Nichololovos Thirumeni's views have been published on this article with permission)

The Church cares for everyone

P.S.: This topic has been talking points in various forums in other Christian circles, including in different Orthodox Churches. The Indian courts have discussed the issue, as we are well aware. While responding to the issue, kindly stay focussed on the issue and not on the personalities. We need constructive debates, discussions, prayers and bold decisions; may our contributions in ICON
and elsewhere become instruments of change, if change is needed,and of conviction, if change is to be opposed, but in all cases, always only for the glory of the Lord and His Church.